NKCC

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) or
Is this group right for me?

1. I lost my… (mother/ spouse/ Auntie/ child/ friend, etc). Will there be others who are mourning the same kind of loss as me?

Each group is unique and has members who have experienced different losses. It is impossible to predict what members will have in common with each other. However, what each member has in common is that they have had a loss.

2. I am a… (non-practicing Catholic, Lutheran, Baptist, Jew, Hindi, etc…) Is this group for me?

Yes.  This group is provided to the North Kona Catholic Community and, as such, we may talk about spirituality as it relates to loss and members may discuss their personal beliefs as they relate to their loss but the overall goal of the group is to help you heal from your loss in a non-judgmental and supportive environment.  All faith backgrounds are welcome.

3. I lost my pet of 15 years, who was like a human to me. Can I join this group?

While the loss of a special pet is very painful, this group is not the proper place in which to mourn that loss. Your local veterinarian may be able to refer you to a bereavement group for pet owners. Additionally, I would be happy to provide individual sessions for those mourning the loss of a dear pet.

4. My loss was due to suicide. Is this group right for me?

Yes. The focus of this group is on loss and mourning. Often those who have experienced a suicide feel shame about the loss. The group can help sort out those feelings, because often other members feel a sense of shame about not doing enough for their deceased loved one. For some members their loved one might have died from a disease that carries a social stigma: lung cancer due to smoking, liver failure due to alcoholism, or AIDS. Each loss is unique and has its own set of circumstances. Each member will have time within the group to share and explore their story of loss.

What the group would not provide is a way of understanding suicide specifically. Often in a group members ask the question "why?" The group could only help the member who asks that question in a general way.

5. I am not a very social person, is a bereavement group right for me or should I have individual counseling?

A bereavement group may seem scary at first but it is often the most helpful in the case of a loss. Everyone in the group has experienced a loss. This helps every member feel less alone in their pain.  I will meet with each person interested in joining the group to discuss any specific concerns you may have about the group.

6. I lost my sibling/parent/grandparent/significant other many years ago. I am not sure why, but I am crying and upset about the loss now.

Sometimes because of life circumstances (you were a child at the time of loss, you had young children at home, you were away, or somehow you were not able to express your feelings), we do not mourn the loss of our loved one at the time of death. The bereavement group provides a safe place to look into painful feelings of mourning.

7. I lost someone important but our relationship wasn’t good and I wouldn’t call them a “loved one.”  Is this group for me?

Yes. No one is perfect and even in the most wonderful relationships, there were negative feelings. The focus of this group is on loss and mourning and working through the pain. Often those who have experienced a loss of a “less than loved one” feel angry and disappointed about all the hopes they had for the relationship that will never be.  The group can help sort out those feelings, because often other members feel a sense of disappointment about things they were unable to do with their deceased loved one. For some members their loved one might have lived far away or had Alzheimer’s or some other circumstance which prevented them from having the kind of experiences or relationship they desired. Each loss is unique and has its own set of circumstances. Each member will have time within the group to share and explore their story of loss.

8. How much time after the loss should I join a bereavement group?

Each circumstance of death is unique. If the death followed a long illness, you may have had some time to prepare for the loss but no one is ever really ready when death occurs.  If the death was sudden, you may be in a state of shock and not ready to deal with your feelings about the loss. You may need all your energy to take care of everyday tasks. There are no rules. Only you can make the decision about when you feel ready to join a bereavement group. If you are interested but unsure about joining the group, I am happy to meet with you to discuss your situation.